Walk on the Wild Side Exposed: Rex Grossman is impersonating Cecil Lammey!

0 Comments read Walk on the Wild Side

Author’s Note: This was my planned defense for John Beck in our Fantasy Court segment scheduled for the October 20 broadcast of The Audible Roundtable. Unfortunately, we have suspicions that Rex Grossman tampered with my phone line so he could continue to impersonate our beloved host Cecil Lammey for the entire two hours and persecute (not prosecute) John Beck. Second, more serious note: Rex Grossman deserves credit for having the skill to even warrant consideration as an NFL starter and perform as well as he has at times. I’m piling on to an unfortunate situation for him, but I’m using him more as a character than the person he is.

Waldman: Your honor, the Audible jury, football fans – especially the victims in this case, the Redskins fans.  I’ve reviewed the evidence. So have a panel of preeminent expert witnesses I will call before you. Among them are Steve Young, Ron Jaworski, Greg Cosell, Dave Razzano, Dan Shonka, and a host of others who agree that Beck has the arm talent, mobility, poise, accuracy, and anticipation to develop into a good NFL starter. What has prevented Beck from doing so was a lack of a real opportunity.

There is no justice in the NFL. Life isn’t fair and John Beck didn’t cry about it. He didn’t cry when Bill Parcells never gave him a chance after the Miami Dolphins under Cam Cameron attempted, and failed to impersonate a football team. No, instead Parcells opted for one of of his patented big-armed, two-cent savvy Robo-QBs. Guys who might shout loud enough get Lammey’s attention, but can only look at one quadrant of the field at a time.

Beck didn’t cry when the Ravens let him go to Washington although we have written testimony that some Ravens players did, which we have also entered into evidence with this court.

And he didn’t cry when Mike Shanahan opted to give Rex Grossman the first chance to reveal his true colors.

But let’s get back to justice. What is justice. What is the intention of justice. The intention of justice is to see that the guilty people are proven guilty and that the innocent are freed. Simple isn’t it. Only it’s not that simple. However, it is the defense counselor’s duty to protect the rights of the individual as it is the prosecutions duty to uphold and defend the laws of fantasy football. But we want to win. We want to win regardless of the truth. We want to win regardless of justice. REGARDLESS! of who is guilty or innocent. WINNING…is everything.

And ladies and gentlemen of the Audible jury of listeners, the prosecution is not going to get John Beck TODAY! No…because I’M GONNA GET THE PROSECUTION! OUR PLAINTIFF!!! THE HONORABLE MOTORBOATING SON OF A BITCH CECIL “BIG-MEX” LAMMEY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND IMPERSONATED BY DEPOSED REDSKINS QUARTERBACK REX GROSSMAN.

I HAVE VISUAL PROOF!

GROSSMAN, WHO WE DISCOVERED JUST MINUTES AGO HAS HIRED MATT JONES, THE ROCK N’ ROLL CLOWN,  TO DOPE LAMMEY AND CONFINE HIM IN THE MEN’S ROOM STALL OF AN IHOP IN ARVADA, Colorado SHOULD GO STRAIGHT TO THE WASHINGTON BENCH! THE SONOFABITCH IS GUILTY! THAT MAN IS GUILTY!

THAT MAN THERE!

THAT MAN THERE IS A SLIME!

HE IS A SLIME.

IF HE’S ALLOWED TO GO FREE  then something REEAAAALLLY wrong is goin’ on here!

Judge Bloom: Mr. Waldman you are out of order!
Waldman: YOUR’E OUT OF ORDER! YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER! THE WHOLE TRIAL IS OUT OF ORDA! THEY’RE OUT OF ORDA!  THAT MAN! THAT SICK, CRAZY, DEPRAVED MAN, THREW FOUR INTERCEPTIONS IN ONE GAME AND IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE TO HIS WORST GAME AS AN NFL QUARTERBACK AND HE’D LIKE TO DO IT AGAIN! HE TOLD ME SO! IT’S JUST A SHOW!

IT’S  LET’S MAKE A DEAL! LET’S MAKE A DEAL!

HEY SIGMUND, YOU WANNA “MAKE A DEAL!” I GOT AN INSANE NFL QUARTERBACK WHO LIKES TO MAKE CRAZY THROWS, KILL OFFENSES, AND IMPERSONATE OUR AUDIBLE HOST!

WHADDYA GIMMEE SIGMUND, 3 WEEKS PROBATION?

I HEAR YOU OVER THERE GROSSMAN, YOU’VE BEEN EXPOSED. YOU JUST WISH YOU COULD STRAP ON THAT BIB AND MOTORBOAT RYAN TORAIN, BUT CECIL WOULD NEVER DO THAT! HE’D ONLY DO IT TO STEPHEN DAVIS OR JOHN RIGGINS!

Waldman: [to Grossman] You, you sonofabitch, you! You’re supposed to *hit the target!* You’re supposed to protect a lead! But instead you murder it!
[dragged out of court by bailiffs]
Waldman: You killed the Redskins! You killed them! Hold it! Hold it! I just completed my opening statement!

Challenge me to a Game of one-on-one Fantasy Football

0 Comments read Matt Waldman
Play me or your friends in free games of one-on-one fantasy football.

If you follow me on Twitter then you might have seen that I was looking for people to play me in a game of one-on-one fantasy football. The game is FantasyThrowdown. It’s a one-on-one fantasy football game that is simple, but strategic and addictive. Drafts can take as little as 5-10 minutes and you can play as much as you like each week.

Here’s how it works:

  • Challenge anyone online – public challenges on the site or private challenges to friends with a valid email address.
  • You and your opponent choose the draft order and select the three games for the week to determine the players you’ll draft. Choose wisely, because your opponent can remove one player from the draft pool that you can’t use.
  • Then draft either in a live draft room or slow draft with email notifications throughout the week. Just finish the draft before the 1pm (EST) kickoff.

Fantasy Throwdown offers traditional offense + team defense or offense + IDP options as well as PPR and Non-PPR scoring.

The site is still in testing (BETA) mode, but I’ve participated in numerous drafts and it works well. Go to the site and create a login, accept (or create) a public challenge, or send me a private challenge by using my email: thegutcheck@gmail.com. Send me any feedback about the game as well.

“Throw down” with me and let’s see what you got.

 

Behind the Blue Curtain – Part III: Making the Cut the Hard Way With RB Chad Spann

0 Comments read Players, Running Back
While Chad Spann won't be playing in Wembley Stadium this weekend, he is there with the Buccaneers practice squad. Find out the price he paid from August through October to earn that chance. Photo by Chris Downer.

Imagine 15-years of work riding on a 60-minute performance that is only partially choreographed and half of the individuals sharing the stage with you are trying to undermine everything you do. Now imagine suffering an injury three minutes into that performance. Welcome to rookie free agent Chad Spann’s world the night he faced the Cincinnati Bengals in the final preseason game of the summer.

The Colts running back and special teams performer described his rookie learning curve at an NFL training camp with one of the league’s great offensive minds at quarterback and  in Parts I and II of this series. In the final installment of this conversation, Spann describes his injury in the Colts final preseason game and why Colts trainers were in disbelief that he managed to play an entire game at a high level.

Waldman: Tell me about the injury that you sustained, how it happened, and later let’s talk about your rehab process.

Spann: The Cincinnati game was the last game of the preseason.  It’s a game where all the young guys know they are going to get a lot of time. Guys can make the team off this game. Blair White made the team off this game last year when he had I think 15 catches and 150 yards. Also Melvin Bullitt the starting safety had 15 tackles in that last game, which helped him make the team. It was important that all of the rookies and especially Continue reading →

Why I Like Jay Cutler

0 Comments read Players, Quarterback, Reads Listens Views
Jay Cutler cursing out Mike Martz on the field? Dare I saw awesome? I should say no, but..HECK YEAH! Photo by Mike Shadle.

I shouldn’t like Jay Cutler for what I’m about to share with you. But have you ever had a boss who has his head so far up his hind parts that he’s unwilling to deal with reason? In my Gut Check column at Footballguys.com I wrote that Martz is the textbook definition of a fanatic when it comes to his offensive philosophy. Today I came across the Mad Sports Gal’s blog where she shows that Jay Cutler sent a not-so-subtle message to Martz during the Vikings game.

And I liked it.

ESPN confirmed that Cutler didn’t deny doing it.

I like Jay Cutler as an anti-hero by NFL standards. He doesn’t care what people think and he doesn’t want to play the media game. Reporters hate him because he doesn’t care about them and doesn’t even treat them like they matter. Not something I want to teach my kid but I can get with not being phoney. If he’s going to be an ass, I’m down with it as long as he’s not going to complain about being treated like one.

He’s the John Constantine of football minus the chain smoking.

As you see, I’ve had some free time today.

 

John Beck Redux

0 Comments read Players, Quarterback

If you’ve only been following this blog recently, you might have missed my post on John Beck. The Redskins quarterback was named the starter this morning. If you want to learn more about him check out my take. It has been my belief that one of the reasons Mike Shanahan opted for Rex Grossman to open the season was that it would give Beck a longer leash to grow into the starting role if Grossman failed to do the job first. If he had gone with Beck and the inexperienced pro QB struggled, his team and the fans would have been more impatient and demanded to get Grossman on the field.

Quick Post: Cam Newton shades of Steve McNair

0 Comments read Players, Quarterback

Watching Cam Newton this weekend move around the pocket with poise, deliver lasers off balance, and run with the speed of a tailback and the toughness of a fullback reminded me of my all-time favorite NFL player, Steve McNair. The similarities are striking to me. I just hope Newton is willing to work and deal with adversity on the field the way McNair did. If so, there’s no reason he can’t match some of McNair’s accomplishments.

If you never saw McNair play when he was still a young and healthy quarterback, or you simply forgot what he looked like before his numerous surgeries had its cumulative effect, check out these videos. Give McNair the receivers and running game that Michael Vick has now and there wouldn’t need be a desperation week against the Redskins. Put McNair in Indianapolis and the Colts would at least be .500. If the Bears had McNair on Monday night versus the Lions, Chicago wins.

Okay, maybe all that isn’t true but indulge a fan on his blog, will ya?

[youtube=http://youtu.be/ns3GwAwxcpE]

[youtube=http://youtu.be/fkSWbJUuttE]

 

Behind the Blue Curtain – Part II: A Glimpse at Colts Training Camp With RB Chad Spann

0 Comments read Players, Quarterback
Chad Spann explains the differences between a pass protection scheme with the Colts and his assignments at NIU. Photo by Mann00.

Former Northern Illinois RB Chad Spann led college football with 22 touchdowns in 2010, but it didn’t get him drafted. No matter, Spann was a local star in Indianapolis and no team offered him a scholarship at his position and that didn’t deter him from finding a team that would give him a chance to prove his ability. This is exactly what the rookie free agent did this summer with his home town Colts, earning a spot with his play despite suffering a grade three hamstring tear that led to an injury settlement. To those uninitiated with the nuances of roster management, Spann simplifies the situation and states he’s been placed on Injured Reserve until he’s available. However, most football fans familiar with IR know that this designation wipes out a player’s entire season.

An injury settlement allows the Colts to keep Spann on the team without going through the step of cutting him and then potentially losing him to another team before they can sign him to the practice squad. Spann is scheduled to be ready to rejoin the team in Week 8. If the Colts decide to cut him there are nearly a half-dozen teams that have indicated interest in signing him.

Spann is one of those players I have the rare opportunity to speak with that is the complete package of skills, smarts, and toughness. There are first-round picks at his position who lack the self-assured confidence that Spann exudes without even trying, but it’s also mixed with a grounded sense of humor and generosity that makes him an enjoyable personality to talk to.

After creating an interview series this summer where Spann and I watched one of his games together and he tutored me on the nuances of his position, Spann agreed to discuss his training camp and preseason experiences with the Colts. Part I details the differences between college football training camp and NFL training camp. Part II addresses the complexity of the Colts pass protection schemes, working with two other rookies at his position while also competing with them, and why what fans see on the field and what coaches see are often completely different.

Waldman: What kinds of things did you learn about your position that were Continue reading →

Behind the Blue Curtain: A Glimpse at Colts Training Camp With RB Chad Spann

0 Comments read Players, Running Back
Colts RB Chad Spann provides a glimpse into his rookie training camp and preseason. Photo by Icon Sports Media, Inc.

If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Chad Spann was messing with me. Every few minutes during our hour-long conversation the running back would grunt, yell, or laugh without any discernible rhyme or reason. At one point as he talked his voice quavered as if someone was jumping up and down on him.

That’s exactly what was happening.

Spann made time for our phone conversation while he was on the receiving end of a deep tissue massage. The unexpected outbursts at various points during our conversation were a back-handed acknowledgement to his trainer/physical therapist doing things to his legs that Albert Haynesworth once tried to do to Andre Gurode’s head. The rookie free agent running back for the Indianapolis Colts has been steadfastly rehabbing a grade three hamstring tear that he suffered in the final preseason game against the Cincinnati Bengals – an injury that occurred three minutes into the most important game of his young pro career.

Spann managed to play the entire game with an injury that leaves most people unable to walk: returning kicks, special teams coverage, and even as the running back on the game-winning, 85-yard drive . An injury that my colleague Dr. Jene Bramel Continue reading →

Quick Announcement 10/15/2010

0 Comments read Reads Listens Views
Chad Spann began his career as a walk-on and ended it the MAC MVP.

If you’re not familiar with running back Chad Spann or you are relatively new to this blog then you might not have seen the film study series that the 2010 college football touchdowns leader did with me. Beginning Monday, I’ll be posting the first of a three-part series where Spann provides RSP readers a glimpse into the Indianapolis Colts training camp and preseason. It’s an enlightening look into the small, but highly regarded (despite the Colts current record) corner of professional football.