Posts tagged The Audible

How to Find Your Mercedes: A Lesson to “Anonymous”

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Best Louisville prospect in this draft? Maybe, but don't give the short end of the stick to the Cardinals' safety Calvin Pryor. Photo by KYNGPAO
Teddy Bridgewater. Photo by KYNGPAO

A lesson for the anonymous NFC executive who can’t find the right car in a parking lot.

In case you didn’t know–or missed it–I’m fortunate to join Cecil Lammey, Sigmund Bloom, and Jene Bramel on Thursdays for the live Audible podcast that is now a Hangout (at bottom of page).  Last week’s 52-minute show covers topics from the NFL Draft:

  • Buy/Sell QB News
  • Match Game: “What Would Bloom Say?”
  • My rant on NFL executives and their discomfort with Teddy Bridgewater.

Funny how a this rant came a week before an NFL executive said that Bridgewater is soft. Just a word of advice to the anonymous NFC executive: If you want to disguise your discomfort with drafting an intelligent, dark-skinned black man as the leader of your offense, I suggest you find another criticism.

Bridgewater took some big hits during his career and never went into a shell. You clearly need an education. I suggest you travel down the hall to those offices that have the word “Scout” on the name plate and ask them to show you tape of this Rutgers game where Bridgewater comes off the bench with a broken wrist and a badly sprained ankle on his plant leg to lead a comeback against Rutgers.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/1ELPwI9_y5U]

Bridgewater put his team in the Sugar Bowl with this effort where he later stomped a top-ranked Florida defense that smacked him around early on.

I have to presume that you’re a product of rampant nepotism, otherwise you would have never used Byron Leftwich as an example of being soft. The former Jaguars’ starter may have had his share of issues on the field, but getting bent into a pretzel and coming back for more was never one of them.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/Oa1JhHcGD7g]

Leftwich was a top-10 pick – a good example that there are NFL organizations willing to invest in a high pick on a pocket quarterback of color.

As for you, anonymous NFC executive, it must be tough for you when you continue to mistake the Hyundai with your Mercedes in your parking lot (same paint color and all . . .). Let me help you:

Hyundai by Visual Pun.
Hyundai by Visual Pun.

 

Mercedes by Ahmad Hashim.
Mercedes by Ahmad Hashim.

One more time . . .

Hyundai - a pretty nice car that will get you from A to B . . . (Photo by Seng1011)
Hyundai – a pretty nice car that will get you from A to B . . . (Photo by Seng1011)
Best Louisville prospect in this draft? Maybe, but don't give the short end of the stick to the Cardinals' safety Calvin Pryor. Photo by KYNGPAO
Mercedes – a car that will get you to A to B with high performance. Photo by KYNGPAO

I know it’s difficult to tell the difference. Keep looking at the visuals of them in action and let someone else do the drafting for you until you figure it out.

For the rest of you, here’s the Hangout (Bridgewater part at 22-minute mark):

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61h5fKkn2oY&feature=share]

Reads, Listens, Views 11/25

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[youtube=http://youtu.be/MemNoK9hGrA]

Did you know 40 percent of Vince Young’s career wins are fourth quarter comebacks?

I Know How Kevin Smith Feels

I was going to play football today for the first time in 22 years – an annual post-Turkey day contest in the neighborhood where I grew up. Then I started running last week. Before you get the wrong idea, I’ve been biking 10 miles a day for nearly six months so I’m in decent cardiovascular shape.

I learned that your knees also need to work up to the pounding.  Continue reading →

Walk on the Wild Side Exposed: Rex Grossman is impersonating Cecil Lammey!

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Author’s Note: This was my planned defense for John Beck in our Fantasy Court segment scheduled for the October 20 broadcast of The Audible Roundtable. Unfortunately, we have suspicions that Rex Grossman tampered with my phone line so he could continue to impersonate our beloved host Cecil Lammey for the entire two hours and persecute (not prosecute) John Beck. Second, more serious note: Rex Grossman deserves credit for having the skill to even warrant consideration as an NFL starter and perform as well as he has at times. I’m piling on to an unfortunate situation for him, but I’m using him more as a character than the person he is.

Waldman: Your honor, the Audible jury, football fans – especially the victims in this case, the Redskins fans.  I’ve reviewed the evidence. So have a panel of preeminent expert witnesses I will call before you. Among them are Steve Young, Ron Jaworski, Greg Cosell, Dave Razzano, Dan Shonka, and a host of others who agree that Beck has the arm talent, mobility, poise, accuracy, and anticipation to develop into a good NFL starter. What has prevented Beck from doing so was a lack of a real opportunity.

There is no justice in the NFL. Life isn’t fair and John Beck didn’t cry about it. He didn’t cry when Bill Parcells never gave him a chance after the Miami Dolphins under Cam Cameron attempted, and failed to impersonate a football team. No, instead Parcells opted for one of of his patented big-armed, two-cent savvy Robo-QBs. Guys who might shout loud enough get Lammey’s attention, but can only look at one quadrant of the field at a time.

Beck didn’t cry when the Ravens let him go to Washington although we have written testimony that some Ravens players did, which we have also entered into evidence with this court.

And he didn’t cry when Mike Shanahan opted to give Rex Grossman the first chance to reveal his true colors.

But let’s get back to justice. What is justice. What is the intention of justice. The intention of justice is to see that the guilty people are proven guilty and that the innocent are freed. Simple isn’t it. Only it’s not that simple. However, it is the defense counselor’s duty to protect the rights of the individual as it is the prosecutions duty to uphold and defend the laws of fantasy football. But we want to win. We want to win regardless of the truth. We want to win regardless of justice. REGARDLESS! of who is guilty or innocent. WINNING…is everything.

And ladies and gentlemen of the Audible jury of listeners, the prosecution is not going to get John Beck TODAY! No…because I’M GONNA GET THE PROSECUTION! OUR PLAINTIFF!!! THE HONORABLE MOTORBOATING SON OF A BITCH CECIL “BIG-MEX” LAMMEY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND IMPERSONATED BY DEPOSED REDSKINS QUARTERBACK REX GROSSMAN.

I HAVE VISUAL PROOF!

GROSSMAN, WHO WE DISCOVERED JUST MINUTES AGO HAS HIRED MATT JONES, THE ROCK N’ ROLL CLOWN,  TO DOPE LAMMEY AND CONFINE HIM IN THE MEN’S ROOM STALL OF AN IHOP IN ARVADA, Colorado SHOULD GO STRAIGHT TO THE WASHINGTON BENCH! THE SONOFABITCH IS GUILTY! THAT MAN IS GUILTY!

THAT MAN THERE!

THAT MAN THERE IS A SLIME!

HE IS A SLIME.

IF HE’S ALLOWED TO GO FREE  then something REEAAAALLLY wrong is goin’ on here!

Judge Bloom: Mr. Waldman you are out of order!
Waldman: YOUR’E OUT OF ORDER! YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER! THE WHOLE TRIAL IS OUT OF ORDA! THEY’RE OUT OF ORDA!  THAT MAN! THAT SICK, CRAZY, DEPRAVED MAN, THREW FOUR INTERCEPTIONS IN ONE GAME AND IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE TO HIS WORST GAME AS AN NFL QUARTERBACK AND HE’D LIKE TO DO IT AGAIN! HE TOLD ME SO! IT’S JUST A SHOW!

IT’S  LET’S MAKE A DEAL! LET’S MAKE A DEAL!

HEY SIGMUND, YOU WANNA “MAKE A DEAL!” I GOT AN INSANE NFL QUARTERBACK WHO LIKES TO MAKE CRAZY THROWS, KILL OFFENSES, AND IMPERSONATE OUR AUDIBLE HOST!

WHADDYA GIMMEE SIGMUND, 3 WEEKS PROBATION?

I HEAR YOU OVER THERE GROSSMAN, YOU’VE BEEN EXPOSED. YOU JUST WISH YOU COULD STRAP ON THAT BIB AND MOTORBOAT RYAN TORAIN, BUT CECIL WOULD NEVER DO THAT! HE’D ONLY DO IT TO STEPHEN DAVIS OR JOHN RIGGINS!

Waldman: [to Grossman] You, you sonofabitch, you! You’re supposed to *hit the target!* You’re supposed to protect a lead! But instead you murder it!
[dragged out of court by bailiffs]
Waldman: You killed the Redskins! You killed them! Hold it! Hold it! I just completed my opening statement!

Suggested Reading

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If this blog hit you out of nowhere the way Denarius Moore was a welcome surprise to you, read on for suggested links. Photo by Wade Rackley.

In recent weeks there have been a lot of new readers to the Rookie Scouting Portfolio. This site is constantly evolving and one of the things I intend to do during the next few weeks is to add a page that categorizes links to every article on the blog for easier navigation.

Whether you’re new to the site and haven’t had a chance to delve into it or you’ve been returning for a while, I thought it would be a good idea to provide some suggested reading:

Interviews

If you became acquainted with the RSP blog from the Greg Cosell or Dan Shonka conversations, I highly recommend checking out these posts.

Conversation with NFL Draft Scout’s Chad Reuter: This is the first part of a series of conversations I did with Reuter. It was pleasure to engage in football talk with a dedicated, intelligent evaluator of talent who uses his economics and player evaluation skills to present research information to NFL teams.

Conversation with National Football Post’s Wes Bunting: Just like Reuter, Bunting does the work. I should know, their processes sound eerily familiar to my early mornings. A very interesting read.

Film Study

Chad Spann is currently on the Colts' IR. He's a long-term sleeper to monitor. Learn more about his mind for the game below.

Grinding Tape: Chad Spann – Stiff arms and Green Dogs: How often do you get to read an interview where the interviewer and the subject are studying football together? This excerpt from a 2-hour study session (Just search “Chad Spann” for more) includes play diagrams and explanations of what the NCAA’s 2010 touchdown leader was thinking about with each play.

Walk on The Wild Side

The Unwritten Rules of Football and Life: These are transcriptions of podcast editorials I occasionally deliver at The Audible’s Thursday Night Roundtable with Sigmund Bloom and Cecil Lammey.

I’ll suggest other pieces each week until I create the navigation page. I hope these are enjoyable reading for you.

Walk on the Wild Side: 2011 NFL Free Agency

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Does this look like Korea to you? Corporal Chad "Klinger" Ochocinco (near right) might say so. Can you guess who Frank Burns is in this picture (far left)? Photo by Navin75

Thursday nights, I join my fellow Footballguys.com staffers the fantastic Cecil Lammey and the incredible Sigmund Bloom on The Audible Roundtable  at 10pm-12am EST on Blog Talk Radio. We talk about the week in football, share fantasy football strategies, and answer listener questions. 

If you aren’t aware, Lammey and Bloom built this show into one of the most popular – if not the most popular – fantasy sports show on iTunes. Bloom suggested I post the written version of my segment “Take a Walk on the Wild Side.” I hope you enjoy as much as he did.

Welcome back to Take a Walk on the Wildside, otherwise known as the place where I get free license to pick on Cecil Lammey and not get my ass kicked.

Not that I’m a scrawny guy. I’ve got the slight height and reach advantage on Big Mex and depending on what Cec is doing, conditioning might be a push.

However, Lammey has the nut-job factor. You know, like Curly in the Three Stooges episode where he’s the boxer whose lights stay on despite all vestiges of rationality leaving the house (seven-minute mark)  whenever he hears Pop Goes The Weasel.

No officers, I was just standing there listening to Wildman pop off about Mikel Leshoure running like he was a scat back and this red light washed over me. Next thing I knew, Wildman was on the floor unconscious, Bloom was stuck in the fireplace flue, and you guys were on top of me. That mace is still stinging my eyes! Why am I still wearing these bracelets???

Cecil is the kind of guy I’d much rather have on my side – unless I have 20 yards, his back to me, and a shotgun loaded with large game tranquilizer.

I thought it was appropriate to relate the stupidity of crossing someone like Cecil  Lammey because with free agency underway, I’d to list the transactional equivalents of NFL teams playing Pop Goes The Weasel to a stadium filled with Curly Howards and Cecil Lammeys. Continue reading →